There is a guy I work with who seemed to call in sick about once a month. Of course, he used the normal excuses: "The flu", "Upset stomach", "Bad headache", etc.
The last time he called in the boss told him, "Give me the excuse on why your sick this time, and make it orginal."
He replied: "I am in bed with my sister. Now that is sick ain't it!"
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Red Neck White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer!
One of the nice things about being an Old Fart is you have lots of memories. Sometimes some of the strangest ones pop in your head at unexpected times. Today while filling my gut, I would not really call this eating, with chili from a can, I had one of those unexpected memories that brought a smile to my face. The whole memory will require some background so you can understand it, so please bear with me. The chili will return at the end of the story.
It was June of 1973 and I was one of the last draftees. I was selected to do my part of defending freedom from those "expansionist Reds" by going to Korea. At the ripe old age of 20, I said my goodbyes to my sweetheart and took long plane flights to the Land of the Morning Calm. Upon arrival at the Reception Center in Seoul we had to exchange our money, and were given the lecture about prostitutes, VD, etc. After being shown gruesome pictures of deformed tallywackers, we were told the best defense was to abstain. Since they were sure we would not, we were handed a 3 pack of condoms.
A day or two later I was shipped to my unit. Arriving there late on Friday afternoon, the First Sargent gave us the same lecture, 3 more condoms, and a pass off the post so we could go to the bars in the ville'. I sure was collecting a lot of condoms.
Now you need to know that Korea is a hot & humid place in summer. Hot & humid means there are lots of mosquitoes and many of us slept with mosquito netting over our beds. Again the army was more than willing to provide this to us free.
To make a long story short, after a while a buddy of mine and I were trying to figure out a way to get back home. We were one-third of the way around the wold and how could we cross the ocean? It would be very hard to get a flight since it was obvious we were not locals. Besides we did not have passports we only had military I.D.
Finally, a brain storm hit us! Make a raft out of inflated condoms held together with mosquito netting! But, what would we eat & how could we propel ourselves across the vast ocean? Again the answer was easy. Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR) beer and the EM club chili with beans was guaranteed to jet propel us anywhere. Not only that, but we would not have to be afraid of sharks. Nothing will get near you after that combination.
It was June of 1973 and I was one of the last draftees. I was selected to do my part of defending freedom from those "expansionist Reds" by going to Korea. At the ripe old age of 20, I said my goodbyes to my sweetheart and took long plane flights to the Land of the Morning Calm. Upon arrival at the Reception Center in Seoul we had to exchange our money, and were given the lecture about prostitutes, VD, etc. After being shown gruesome pictures of deformed tallywackers, we were told the best defense was to abstain. Since they were sure we would not, we were handed a 3 pack of condoms.
A day or two later I was shipped to my unit. Arriving there late on Friday afternoon, the First Sargent gave us the same lecture, 3 more condoms, and a pass off the post so we could go to the bars in the ville'. I sure was collecting a lot of condoms.
Now you need to know that Korea is a hot & humid place in summer. Hot & humid means there are lots of mosquitoes and many of us slept with mosquito netting over our beds. Again the army was more than willing to provide this to us free.
To make a long story short, after a while a buddy of mine and I were trying to figure out a way to get back home. We were one-third of the way around the wold and how could we cross the ocean? It would be very hard to get a flight since it was obvious we were not locals. Besides we did not have passports we only had military I.D.
Finally, a brain storm hit us! Make a raft out of inflated condoms held together with mosquito netting! But, what would we eat & how could we propel ourselves across the vast ocean? Again the answer was easy. Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR) beer and the EM club chili with beans was guaranteed to jet propel us anywhere. Not only that, but we would not have to be afraid of sharks. Nothing will get near you after that combination.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
The mission
This here blog only has one purpose ... that is to be a journal of the starship jerkoff. My mission - to explore strange new thoughts, to seek new forms of low lifes, to discover how uncivilized civilization can be, to boldly go where not sane man has gone before.
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